Summer Buck List 2012

I came across this website, http://thehappyfamilymovement.com/ several months ago via a another friends Facebook page. The website is full of fantastic ideas for families to create fun and meaningful memories together. One of these fantastic ideas is to create a Summer Bucket List. We decided to take the challenge and came up with our own list of fun adventures for our summer. We got a few ideas from the website and over dinner one evening added a few of our own. We have already had fun fulfilling some of our summer fun and are excited for more! I have highlighted a few things that we've already done and some of course will be repeated a few times I'm sure. :-)

Here is our Summer Bucket List 2012:

1. Royals baseball game
2. Camping
3. Sparky's Ice Cream
4. Weekend at the Lake
5. Tie-dye Shirts
6. Cook a hotdog with a mangnifying glass
7. Watch the sunset
8. BBQ
9. Make homemade lemonade
10. Friday movie nights at Flatbranch
11. Watch the Summer Olympics
12. picnic at the park
13. St Louis Zoo
14. Swimming
15. Catch fire-flys
16. Make Smores
17. Board Games
18. Family Bike Ride
19. Farmers Market
20. Lots and lots of Patio time with friends

It's not too late! Make your own Summer Bucket List!

Taking off the training wheels

This post was started in May. It's December. I read the post and like it so though this is old stuff, it's good stuff. 

I don't remember how I learned to ride a bike or the day when the training wheels were removed and I was released to wobble, zig-zag and tumble down the street. I do remember Zach and Lia's moments. They were nervous but excited. Zach was cautious. Lia, well, Lia scared me, she was overconfident and wanted to go fast. Both took tumbles and both got back on. It was amazing to watch them conqueror what every kid dreams, riding with out training wheels.

When I was a kid, maybe around 10, I remember getting various bike parts, putting them together to make my own bike. It was red. I had no fear of riding my bike. I jumped off make shift ramps and curbs and through puddles. I could ride a wheelie for almost 2 blocks. I rode all over South St. Louis letting the streets lead me to wherever they desired. I felt free and on an adventure.

I've done some bike riding in my adulthood but not very much. Most of our marriage I haven't even owned a bike. Before our time in Korea, Todd found a great bike on Craig's List and biked to and from work most days. It made me a little nervous when he did because a few of the roads that he traveled weren't the most biker-friendly roads to take. Occasionally, he would go trail riding and come home a little banged up. I would ask what happened and he would reply, "Oh, I flew over the handle bars going down this trail." What? He was calm and energized by the whole experience. I was in a panic. When we left for Korea, Todd sold his bike. It was the the most difficult thing for him to leave as far as our "stuff" goes.

I have been searching on Craig's List for the past month for bikes for Todd and I. Until a few days ago, we were always a few phone calls too late. The bikes aren't exactly the best (name brand, etc) but they were priced reasonable and are in good working condition. Todd wanted to hold out for something better but I consoled him by saying, this was just to get him by until he could get what he really wanted. One of our summer goals is to do some family bike rides along the Katy Trail so our new/old Craig's List finds will help us accomplish that without spending too much money.

I've ridden my bike a few times now. I don't feel as free on it as I did when I was 10. Mostly, I feel nervous and afraid to fall off . I know that sounds ridiculous but it's true. I was riding to a friends house yesterday and had to go down a very, very small hill. I was worried that the breaks wouldn't work and that I wouldn't slow down enough to make the turn. I started laughing. "Kim, are you serious, you once did far more adventurous things than this."

When I arrived at my friends, I confessed my bike riding fears. He said, "You know what you need to do don't you? Fall off!" I laughed. Maybe he's right. But mostly, I don't want to fall off. It would hurt. I want to ride with the abandonment I once had. I want to ride and feel the wind in my face and the burn in my legs as they work hard. Perhaps that will come but right now, I'm just plain nervous.

When Zach and Lia made the break from training wheels, we encouraged them, cheered them on and made sure they got back on when they fell down. Somewhere along the way, I grew up and lost a little bit of that ability to take risk and go outside my comfort zone. Oh, in some ways, I still have it. Living in Korea was certainly an adventure and there were risk of a different kind. Every day is an adventure of faith and trust in a God I do not see but believe in with all my heart.

I'm contemplating a ride downtown. Thankfully, Columbia has great bike lanes. I've been trying to think of the best route possible though--small hills, little traffic. There are other adventures that I'm contemplating too--school, writing, job. Some of the hills seem too big, some seem impossible but I think it might be worth me taking that step of faith, getting on the bike and heading downtown. Maybe I'll fall off, maybe the brakes won't work but with a little help from my friends, I'll get back on and keeping going and try to laugh along the way.

I believe it's time to take off the training wheels.

Update: 
Kerri and I rode our bikes to Berlin Cafe. I survived both the going and the return home. It was great to pull up on our bikes, park and stroll to our seats at the outdoor patio. I felt proud, strong, cool and exhausted.  No wheelies. No ramps. Just the safety of the bike lanes down Worley.

Prayer

"God, please help!"
"God, if you save, heal, give . . . I will follow You. I'll do anything for you."
"God! Where are YOU?"

I've prayed prayers like that. In my desperation, fear, and anxiety I have uttered very similar words. I think most people whether they know God or not, have prayed hoping that something or someone greater than themselves would hear and act on their behalf. In some religions, as part of your devotion, you are to pray so many times a day and in certain ways. Many people might even agree that prayer is important and so they pray before meals or bedtime.

The Bible, particularly in the New Testament, has a lot to say about prayer. Jesus himself modeled a life where prayer weaved into everything He did. Often his disciples weren't sure where he had run off to but would soon find Him in a place of solitude, praying to the Father. The value Jesus held to find a quiet place to meet with the Father would sure be an indicator that in my own life, I should value the same.

I have been a Christian, a follower of Jesus, for 25 years. I was 19 years old when my life changed forever. During these 25 of years I would say I have been discovering, learning, and growing in the area of prayer. I've read books on prayer, attended prayer meetings, participated in prayer retreats. In 1988 I took a prayer class at church. The first month we were to pray an hour every day, the second, two hours and the third, yep, that's right three hours of prayer a day. I failed. Seriously, I think I got a D in the class. When we got up to the three hour time slot I felt so daunted and unsure about how to possibly engage in talking to God for three hours. I often fell asleep or just decided to quit. I didn't get it. I didn't get what prayer was, who it was about or why my soul longed/needed that place of solitude and rest with God.

I think there are different types of prayer. This is not a post about the various ways to pray but it's a post about me trying to wrestle through some thoughts I have had in the area of prayer and what I believe God has been teaching me over this past year.

I have known times with God, while in that quiet place, that are so sweet and amazing that I am left undone that I by grace have a knowledge of the God, who created all things and by His very word holds this beautiful mess together. I am amazed that He lives in me and desires to be with me. I have times where I have been in that secret place and have felt so far away and have wondered if He even hears me. I have prayed and my prayers never seem to be answered in the time and the way I have hoped or longed for. I have prayed and seen God provide and move in ways that I know by no other means could have taken place except by His doing. I have prayed for healing and have seen healing. I have prayed for healing and experienced loss.

Over the past year, I have prayed what have felt like big prayers. Prayers for marriages to heal, prayers for healing, prayers for jobs, prayers for wrongs to be made right, prayers for peace, and comfort, for love and new life. In multiple situations I have felt at such a loss for what to do or say and the only place to go is that quiet place--prayer. In many situations, I haven't seen what my heart so longs to see. I have cried. A lot. I have wept for friends and with friends. I have been disappointed and confused.

In the midst of all of this, I have also believed God to be sufficient. It's a strange paradox at times. I believe that what Jesus did on the cross and His life rising up from that grave matter. Over everything--He matters. Each day I have had 'manna' for the day--He has supplied comfort, grace, peace and hope. He has given me faith to pray another day. Hope to trust Him and to continue to pray again and again.

For the past week, I have thought about of Luke 18. I was thinking of giving a summary of the chapter but long blog post are hard to read so I would encourage you to read Luke 18. Let me simply highlight verse one:

'Then He spoke a parable to them, that men always ought to pray and not lose heart.'

I'm asking Jesus to teach me to pray in this way. I want to pray my guts out, as my Darlin' says, clinging to the God who can do the impossible. Prayers without ceasing. The kinda of prayer that doesn't relent until God moves and His Kingdom comes. Prayer that holds onto to Jesus and trust Him even when all else seems to fail. Prayers that don't lose heart but persevere in faith.

Father, teach me to pray like this . . .

Hello Daddy!

We want to know You. And be close to you. Please show us how. 

Make everything in the world right again. And in our hearts, too. 

Do what is best--just like you do in heaven, And please do it down here, too. 

Please give us everything we need today. Forgive us for doing wrong, for hurting you. 

Forgive us just as we forgive other people when they hurt us. 

Rescue us! We need you. 

We don't want to keep running away and hiding from you. Keeps us safe from our enemies. 

You're strong, God. You can do whatever you want. 

You are in charge. Now and forever and for always! 

We think you're great! Amen! Yes we do!

-Jesus Storybook Bible-

Oh, Winter!

Most people would not agree with me and some even call me crazy but I feel robbed. I feel like  winter was robbed from me. For those who have been living in the mid-west the past two years you are glad that winter was mild and kind to you. Visions of mounds and mounds of snow that surrounded you for months still loom in your memory giving you anxiety. 

I'm a four season girl. Each season brings me pleasure in different ways. I am so thankful for winter. Yep, call me crazy. I love when the trees are bare against clear blue skies. I enjoy the feeling of the cold air on my face and how the air seems clean. I love sweaters and scarves. I love snow. I love snow days. I love being stuck in the house with the kids, drinking hot chocolate, reading books and playing games. I love sitting with our friends Mike and Kerri in their living room in front of their fire place, it's cozy and always makes for a beautiful evening with friends.

We had some cold days and a couple of snow days but winter, did we really have winter? The trees were bare and the air did seem fresh and clean but well, I still feel robbed. I remember walking around the Arch Christmas day and barely needing a jacket. The sky was beautiful and the sun warm--it was close to 50F. Robbed! I pray every year for a white Christmas/Birthday.

As we approach the final days of March the trees are almost full bloom and we've had to mow the grass already. Don't get me wrong, I love Spring! Love it! I have been enjoying sweet mornings on our screened-in porch and evenings grilling outside. The birds are singing their songs and people seem happy to be free from their homes and the winter blues.

I pulled weeds in the yard for 2 hours yesterday. It felt good to work with my hands, to sweat and get some vitamin D. It's hard to imagine that we will have at least 5 more months of this. As I pulled weeds I thought about how I desired God to do the same in me, to rid my heart of all those places I allow ungratefulness, fear and discontentment to grow. It's painful at times but the results are beautiful, life giving and worth the time and energy to let go and to trust. I'm trusting Him in this season of our lives. Trusting that He is good and faithful. Trusting that He has a perfect plan and purpose. Trusting that He is incredibly generous. Trusting that He loves me.

So though I feel robbed of winter, I embrace Spring. As I do, I embrace His tender mercy and love towards me and trust that He is doing a good and perfect work in my life.

Todd sent me a text this morning, it simply said,

'Your life is colliding with God's story and His glory. How awesome is that!'

Sharing a meal

I have been sick for 9 days. Yes. 9 days. Since the Fall of 2011 I have had a whole lot of sickness. It's been tough. Many have told me that it's what all first year "teachers" suffer through. I'm just a teacher's aid but I'm not exempt to all the germs that float around. This latest sickness knocked me out. I ached in ways that I didn't even know were possible. I knew one day that I would feel better, that all would be well and I would return to life again but in the midst of it, I sighed a lot and asked Jesus to make me well again.

Most of the past 9 days I pretty much didn't leave my bed. I'm not sure what my family ate during the past week or how the house maintained any normalcy. Todd was amazing to care for me and the kiddos but around day 6 or 7 he said, "I need my wife back!" I agreed. I needed myself back.

Today I returned to work. I enjoyed seeing my co-workers and all the sweet faces of the kids. It was a long day. When I arrived home I went straight to my bed. I was exhausted. I enjoyed 30 minutes of rest and quiet and thought about how nice it would be to make my family a meal. Something healthy that didn't involve a can or box.

I enjoy cooking. I enjoy being around the table with my family. There are of course moments in every family meal that aren't that sweet and enjoyable. Tonight was sweet but also carried a few of those not so sweet moments. Lia didn't want to help set the table. Lia didn't like what I made. Zach wanted to get back to homework.

I dimmed the lights and lit the candles for the table. We stretched out our arms, we gave thanks and I breathed. I was thankful to be sitting around the table. Thankful that I was about to share a meal with my family. Thankful for the provision of the meal. Thankful that we were together.

When our meal was over, Zach went back to homework, Todd took Lia to a school function and I sat alone. Dishes piled in front of me, candles lit. The house was calm. All was quiet. I thought about how quickly our meal had passed and how I wish we would have lingered just a bit longer together.

Sharing a meal with my family or a group of friends is one of the most beautiful expressions of community that I know. Some of my most precious memories are cooking, preparing and sharing a meal with people I love. There are meals where I not only felt that my body was nourished with delicious food but my heart was nourished in sweet and beautiful ways.

Tonight, perhaps because for the past 9 days I didn't share the table with my family, I desire to create a sacred space during our meals together and to invite others to share in that space with us.

Henry Nowen says it well,

 “When we invite friends for a meal, we do much more than offer them food for their bodies. We offer friendship, fellowship, good conversation, intimacy, and closeness. When we say: “Help yourself … take some more … don’t be shy … have another glass,” we offer our guests not only our food and our drink but also ourselves. A spiritual bond grows, and we become food and drink for one another other.”

Ends. Beginnings. All the in between.

I'm not sure where the month of January has gone. I've had at least three blog post running through my mind since the end of the year--2011. End of the year reflections. Dreams for the year to come. Lia's Gotcha Day celebration.

Today is the last day of January. It's been a full day. An exhausting day. I woke up this morning feeling sad. Heavy. Out of place. I couldn't pinpoint these feelings/emotions to a specific event or circumstance from my day, I had just woke up and there they were. When you spend your day with kids, you must be ready, on, attentive, present. I wasn't feeling any of these things. I wanted to be in a quiet place, a secluded space. But I had 4 recesses to monitor (I had also promised to play kick-ball today. I did. I'm not as fast as I use to be but I can still launch the ball across the playground), lunch duty and some math papers to grade. There was no solitude except for the few times I went to the bathroom.

Throughout the day, I said what I often say when my heart is restless, "Jesus, Lover of my soul!" It reminds me of who is with me, who I belong to and to rest in that truth.


Late this afternoon, I received a text from my dear friend, Mindy. She's one of our treasures from Korea. We set up a Skype date for when I got home. I was tired when I got home. Really tired. Two games of kickball, wiffle ball and running all over the play ground had wore me out (on top of a bunch of other things).

It's amazing how refreshing it is to see a familiar face. Our conversation was full. Life-giving. God felt near. It was as if we had shared a delicious meal together--words that filled, encouraged, and challenged me. We ended our time in prayer. I read the Lord's Prayer from my Jesus Storybook Bible, Mindy poured her heart out to the One we Love. We said, Amen and wished that miles and a screen didn't separate us.

God is kind.

2011. Ended. It began in Korea and ended in Columbia, Missouri. From beginning to end, our year was filled with joy, hope, sorrow, expectation and waiting. I'm thankful for more than I can possible write tonight. God is good.

2012. Beginnings. Our pilgrimage continues. We are dreaming. Praying. Waiting. Hoping. Resting. Wrestling. Each day, our Father has provided manna. Each day He supplies for our needs--our bread and for every need of our hearts. I'm looking for land, flowing with milk and honey. I'm looking for Him. Waiting on Him. Trusting Him. He has promised that He has given us a hope and a future. He has promised to never forsake us. He has called us into a glorious adventure--I don't want to grumble and complain about the journey but run with Him through the valleys, the wilderness, mountain ranges and deserts. He is faithful.

Where do I see Grace today . . . everywhere. As January passes this is where I saw grace all around me . . .
1. 7 years with our Lia-Joy. What a miracle! January 10, 2005
2. visits from old and new friends.
3. friends who have lost family and who are being loved and comforted by Him who Lives.
4. warm weather. birds singing.
5 walks on the trail with Kerri.
6. dreaming of what's to come.
7. kickball with 4th graders.
8. wiffle ball with pre-schoolers
9. watching friends live their dreams--taking risk and trusting God
10. the book of Mark. Song of Solomon.
11. 1000 gifts by Ann Voskemp
12. cups of tea and quiet spaces.
13. prayers. faith.
14. food in our cupboards.
15. bills paid.
16. a home--shelter.
17. Todd. Zach. Lia. Oh, how I do love them. 
17. Saturday morning breakfast with friends.
18. Oliver. He snuggles me and is super cute!

From Grace to Grace.