Oh, Winter!

Most people would not agree with me and some even call me crazy but I feel robbed. I feel like  winter was robbed from me. For those who have been living in the mid-west the past two years you are glad that winter was mild and kind to you. Visions of mounds and mounds of snow that surrounded you for months still loom in your memory giving you anxiety. 

I'm a four season girl. Each season brings me pleasure in different ways. I am so thankful for winter. Yep, call me crazy. I love when the trees are bare against clear blue skies. I enjoy the feeling of the cold air on my face and how the air seems clean. I love sweaters and scarves. I love snow. I love snow days. I love being stuck in the house with the kids, drinking hot chocolate, reading books and playing games. I love sitting with our friends Mike and Kerri in their living room in front of their fire place, it's cozy and always makes for a beautiful evening with friends.

We had some cold days and a couple of snow days but winter, did we really have winter? The trees were bare and the air did seem fresh and clean but well, I still feel robbed. I remember walking around the Arch Christmas day and barely needing a jacket. The sky was beautiful and the sun warm--it was close to 50F. Robbed! I pray every year for a white Christmas/Birthday.

As we approach the final days of March the trees are almost full bloom and we've had to mow the grass already. Don't get me wrong, I love Spring! Love it! I have been enjoying sweet mornings on our screened-in porch and evenings grilling outside. The birds are singing their songs and people seem happy to be free from their homes and the winter blues.

I pulled weeds in the yard for 2 hours yesterday. It felt good to work with my hands, to sweat and get some vitamin D. It's hard to imagine that we will have at least 5 more months of this. As I pulled weeds I thought about how I desired God to do the same in me, to rid my heart of all those places I allow ungratefulness, fear and discontentment to grow. It's painful at times but the results are beautiful, life giving and worth the time and energy to let go and to trust. I'm trusting Him in this season of our lives. Trusting that He is good and faithful. Trusting that He has a perfect plan and purpose. Trusting that He is incredibly generous. Trusting that He loves me.

So though I feel robbed of winter, I embrace Spring. As I do, I embrace His tender mercy and love towards me and trust that He is doing a good and perfect work in my life.

Todd sent me a text this morning, it simply said,

'Your life is colliding with God's story and His glory. How awesome is that!'

Sharing a meal

I have been sick for 9 days. Yes. 9 days. Since the Fall of 2011 I have had a whole lot of sickness. It's been tough. Many have told me that it's what all first year "teachers" suffer through. I'm just a teacher's aid but I'm not exempt to all the germs that float around. This latest sickness knocked me out. I ached in ways that I didn't even know were possible. I knew one day that I would feel better, that all would be well and I would return to life again but in the midst of it, I sighed a lot and asked Jesus to make me well again.

Most of the past 9 days I pretty much didn't leave my bed. I'm not sure what my family ate during the past week or how the house maintained any normalcy. Todd was amazing to care for me and the kiddos but around day 6 or 7 he said, "I need my wife back!" I agreed. I needed myself back.

Today I returned to work. I enjoyed seeing my co-workers and all the sweet faces of the kids. It was a long day. When I arrived home I went straight to my bed. I was exhausted. I enjoyed 30 minutes of rest and quiet and thought about how nice it would be to make my family a meal. Something healthy that didn't involve a can or box.

I enjoy cooking. I enjoy being around the table with my family. There are of course moments in every family meal that aren't that sweet and enjoyable. Tonight was sweet but also carried a few of those not so sweet moments. Lia didn't want to help set the table. Lia didn't like what I made. Zach wanted to get back to homework.

I dimmed the lights and lit the candles for the table. We stretched out our arms, we gave thanks and I breathed. I was thankful to be sitting around the table. Thankful that I was about to share a meal with my family. Thankful for the provision of the meal. Thankful that we were together.

When our meal was over, Zach went back to homework, Todd took Lia to a school function and I sat alone. Dishes piled in front of me, candles lit. The house was calm. All was quiet. I thought about how quickly our meal had passed and how I wish we would have lingered just a bit longer together.

Sharing a meal with my family or a group of friends is one of the most beautiful expressions of community that I know. Some of my most precious memories are cooking, preparing and sharing a meal with people I love. There are meals where I not only felt that my body was nourished with delicious food but my heart was nourished in sweet and beautiful ways.

Tonight, perhaps because for the past 9 days I didn't share the table with my family, I desire to create a sacred space during our meals together and to invite others to share in that space with us.

Henry Nowen says it well,

 “When we invite friends for a meal, we do much more than offer them food for their bodies. We offer friendship, fellowship, good conversation, intimacy, and closeness. When we say: “Help yourself … take some more … don’t be shy … have another glass,” we offer our guests not only our food and our drink but also ourselves. A spiritual bond grows, and we become food and drink for one another other.”