What a day can bring . . .

Mother's Day. I woke up thankful to be a Mom. Thankful to be a Mom to my two great kids. There were so many Mother's Days that were painful. Longings unfulfilled. Hope deferred. Waiting and more waiting. For the past 14 years I have had the privilege to do the most amazing and difficult thing I've ever done--be a Mom. 

I woke up this past Mothers Day with expectations of a sweet day with Zach and Lia. Todd was was working so the kids and I would celebrate the day together. They were both sweet with hugs and cards. We enjoyed some breakfast and then I said, "Hey, let's get ready for church. We'll stop at Starbucks on the way for a special treat." That's when all, I'll go ahead and say it, HELL broke out. Lia began to have a complete melt down about going to church. She shouted, rolled on the floor and told me how horrible I was for forcing her to go. 

Seriously?! It's Mother's Day. It's suppose to be a happy day. My day! 

When calm reasoning wasn't working with her I sent her to her room to calm down. I sat alone trying to figure out what had gone wrong. I replayed the morning. I replayed what I said. There seemed to be no logical explanation. I asked Lia if she was ready to talk. A passionate NO! was heard from her room. I started to pray. Help! Come, Jesus. Be my help, my wisdom. I called for Lia to come to me and at first she refused. Slowly she came, tears still streaming down her cheeks and pleas for not going to church. I held her and didn't speak for a few minutes. Quietly, I began praying for her and for me. I cried. She said, "Why do you always cry when you talk to me or Jesus?" Oh. My. Goodness.

I then told her how much I loved her. How I was sad about what just happened. We talked about trust and that I wanted her best. We hugged. She apologized. We got dressed for church and somehow managed to grab Starbucks. 

The rest of the day was all I hoped. In the heat of that morning I wanted to say fine, we're staying home and you won't leave your room all day. That would not have benefited either of us. What a day! A beautiful, messy day.

Last week Zach and I returned from a youth group trip to Colorado. The next day Zach woke up with stomach pain. The pain worsened through the day and he began vomiting. He was in a lot of pain and wanted someone to help. We prayed, rested but when nothing seemed to improve I took him to Urgent Care. They decided to give IV fluids and medicine for nausea and then sent us to the ER. The doctors determined it was his appendix and decided to do surgery that night. What a day! An unexpected day. A scary day.

This week a dear friend was having a check up on her heart. It was discovered that she needed bypass surgery. Two days later she had a quintuple bypass. A routine check up that lead her day and the days to come to look drastically different. Uncertainty.  Vulnerablity. 

Today I received a text from a friend. Her husband just lost his job. Everything seemed good and in one day, it all suddenly looked different. We've been there--a few times. We met, cried and prayed together. 

Last week while Todd and I waited for Zach to come out of surgery I thought, "Wow! This day is so different than I thought it would be and yet Grace has met us here."

A day can bring about so many changes. Some welcomed and some unwanted. Some days thrust us into very different days to come. I'm grateful for a simple but profound truth that has held and kept me 26 years. God is faithful and His grace is sufficient for me.

Grace. The person of Jesus meets us in these beautiful, messy, scary, unexpected days.  

I heard this song (All to Him, Desperation Band) at the youth conference we were at and it sums up my my heart this past week:

For every mountain that is high He is higher
For every burden that is great He is greater
For every valley that is deep He is deeper still
More than we can know

Our promise is Jesus
Our answer is Jesus
All to Him
All to Him we owe everything
Our savior is Jesus
Our future is Jesus
All to Him
All to Him we owe everything

For every fear that closes in He is closer
For every doubt that comes on strong He is stronger
For every battle that we face He has conquered all
More than we can know

We know the great God
We serve the great God
We owe the great God
Everything all to Him

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Spring

The first day of Spring was two days ago. Tulips are blooming in the yard. They are the saddest tulips I have ever seen. It's cold. The tulips were lured into thinking that a few warmer days meant it was time to break through the winter ground.  We are under a winter weather advisory until Sunday. The weather people are saying that we could have 6-10 inches of snow. 

In Lia's words, "Mom, winter and spring are all mixed up." Perhaps.

We all know my love for winter but spring is also lovely. Spring represents newness and life. Spring is when creation awakens from it's sleep. I am thankful that spring is coming. Even with the pending snow storm, the promise of spring is before me. 

I wait. I wait with expectation and hope.

Awake. 

In early January I was thinking, praying, meditating on a word for this season of my life. After several days of writing in my journal, the word AWAKE kept stirring around in me. 

It has become my constant prayer. 

Awaken me again. Awake, oh, my soul!

Arise my beloved . . . awake and sing

new life, fruitfulness, fullness, growth

Awakened.

I have felt asleep for the past year and a half. I have felt as if I'm wandering in a wilderness and looking for the promise of a new day, a new beginning, a place of belonging. I am slowly awakening from my slumber, I'm breaking through the cold grounds of winter, a little mixed up but breathing deep the love of my Savior King.

snow days, my journal and 14

Last winter was mild. The temperatures were warmer than normal and we didn't have any heavy, shut the streets down, cancel school, snow days. I was disappointed. I even blogged about my winter disappointment.

Winter 2013 has not disappointed me. Hooray! I know many do not understand my joy for naked trees, snow and cold days but there is beauty in these and I will celebrate and welcome them. We had back to back snow storms this winter that gave us 4 wonderful snow days.

I call these days "forced pauses." Days where you must stop (the second storm had a DO NOT DRIVE warning issued by the State so unless you had an emergency, you weren't suppose to go out). Days where you are forced to rest and pause from the day to day rhythm. I like these kind of forced pauses. We played games, read, watched movies, took naps, played in the snow. We sat and watched the snow flakes as they danced from the sky and listened to the thunder roll and lighting flash across the sky. It was magical and beautiful in every way.

I love snow days.

Three weeks ago we travelled to St. Louis for our yearly reunion with our Hunan Families. These are the families that we travelled to China with in 2005 to bring home our daughters. We have gathered around the Chinese New Year every year since bringing the girls home. The value of this time spent together is priceless. I'm grateful for each of these families and the friendships that we are carrying on together and for our girls.

This is where the Journal part comes in. I left my journal in St. Louis. When we arrived home and I realized it wasn't in my bag, I immediately contacted our friends asking if they had found it. It was at their Mom's house and she would mail it. Due to various reasons my journal wasn't mailed. It's been almost 3 weeks. I miss my journal. Todd has encouraged me to write on other paper and then transfer it when I get my journal but that just won't work. My journal captures moments, thoughts, revelations, prayers and longings so to write these moments on a piece of scrap paper and then transfer it to my journal later, well, that seems strange to me. Perhaps I'm anal. Or even strange myself. I feel like I've lost a lot of moments over the past few weeks and I can't go back and remember each of them so I must move forward and capture new ones. It's funny that my journal has become an important part of my remembering and when I don't have it, something feels a bit loss. Perhaps I'm overly dramatic too.

I wanted to text my friend again to check on the mailing status but I didn't want to be annoying. "Hey, where's my journal!" So I waited a few more days. Each day checking the mail and finding pointless fliers and junk mail but no journal. I gave in yesterday and texted. My journal was just mailed. My friend assumed that I had it already. Stuff happens. No worries. :-) Thank goodness it's on it's way. I'm grateful.

14. Why is the number 14 significant? Monday, March 11th our Zachary turns 14. Every year I say, Wow! I can't believe how old he is. I don't think this will be ending. This morning he texted me from his bed and said, "Mom, I'm getting further into my teens. :-)" Yes, yes you are. Of all the sons in the world, I'm grateful that he is mine. He is a constant reminder that God hears our prayers, He remembers us and He is faithful.

Zachary=Jehovah has remembered

We love you, Zachary Todd. We love your wit, kindness, tenderness, playfulness, thoughtfulness, and teachable heart. You are growing into a wonderful young man and we are proud of you. You are also growing in stature--every day I'm amazed at how tall you are. You're a giant. I'm sure by the summer you will be as tall or taller than Dad.

14. Two more years--driving. Four more years--graduating. Be still my heart.

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51 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Skype Date.

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50 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Magical snow days

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49 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

A snow day.

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47 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

47 | 313 Cooking with Nurcan and Mustafa. Stuffed grape leaves.

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45 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Snow Angel

snow day. part one.

snow day. part one., a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

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43 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Private Blend.

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41 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Hunan Sisters.

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40 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Heading East. 75 mph. Sun setting behind me.

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38 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

"Mom, spring and winter are all mixed up." Agreed.

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37 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Ring of Fire. Thank you, Main Squeeze

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36 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Waiting for spring.

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35 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Katy's birthday.

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34 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Gifts in life. Sharing a meal. Conversation. Delicious food.

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32 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Bare naked trees and their shadows. Favorite.

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31 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

One of my favorites. I had three cups today.

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30 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

crafty projects. new pillow covers.

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28 | 13, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Little CoMo.

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27 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Intense game of Monopoly.

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26 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Laughing with Anna. Grateful for this friend.

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25 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Morning motion. Routines.

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24 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Porch time. January. 72 degrees.

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23 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Home.

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22 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Ski Missouri. 6th grade field trip.

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21 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Red Lentils. Dinner.

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20 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Zachary Todd

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19 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Click-Clack MOO. 6th grade puppet show.

313 project. extra

and another just for fun., a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

The tooth fairy. Dreams. Hope.

When I was a kid and had a loose tooth, I was excited. I would wiggle the tooth every day and when it felt like it was ready, you know barely hanging on, I tied a piece of string on it and pulled. There was always a rush of adrenaline and a bit of anxiousness but the thrill and the hope of a quarter under my pillow motivated me to get it out quick.

 Losing teeth for Lia has been like a horrible trauma. Each one. The first loose tooth appeared and she was upset for days. She said things like, "It's my favorite tooth, I don't want to lose it." So we found a book about the tooth fairy and a chart to track when she lost each tooth. We were hoping this would ease the pain and get her excited about this passage of life. It didn't.

In Korea Lia lost a tooth on a very crowded bus ride home. While smashed body to body on the 810, Zach bumped Lia's mouth, the tooth came out and the screams began. Thankfully, it was time to get off the bus so Todd only had to endure that madness for a couple of minutes. We lived about 3-4 blocks from the bus stop so Todd carried Lia all the way home as she sobbed, wailed and mourned the loss of her tooth. She was also angry at Zach for bumping her. Honestly, I thought it was awesome! What a great story to tell when she was older--or for me to blog. :-)

Last week Lia lost a tooth. I'm not sure how many she's lost to this point but again she had a look of shock and horror when she carried it to me. I was glad it had finally come out. We had been talking about this loose tooth for weeks. Weeks. And weeks. She wouldn't wiggle it. She wouldn't let me touch it. She just talked about her loose tooth for weeks.

The tooth fairy was a little slow in his/her job and hadn't made it to our house yet. As Todd was putting Lia to bed she reminded him that the tooth fairy had not come and that she was hoping that he/she would finally remember to show up. Now the tooth fairy always brings a dollar. That is more generous than the quarter I use to receive under my pillow. On this night though, Lia wanted something different, something rare and priceless.

She said, "Dad, I don't want the tooth fairy to bring me a dollar. That's boring. I want her to bring me something rare. Priceless. Like a crystal from the Tryastic (not sure if that's how you spell it) Era."

Todd of course said it might be difficult for the tooth fairy to produce a rare crystal on such short notice.

Lia woke up the next day disappointed to find a simple and not rare dollar bill under her pillow.

Why do I share all of this? Lia dreams. She has imagination and wonder. I love these things about her. I am grateful that though she is growing up, she still dreams and thinks that perhaps it's possible that the tooth fairy could bring her a rare and priceless crystal from some dinosaur era. She also knows that Mom and Dad are the tooth fairy. And yet she still dreams.

I'm sometimes scared to dream. I'm scared of failure. I'm scared of being unrealistic or disappointed. Of course, I'm not talking about tooth fairies but about the beautiful and messy world we live in and this one life I've been give to live.

I dream of wrong things made right, for hope and healing for the broken, for marriages to be restored. I dream of hiking down the Grand Canyon, of running another marathon, traveling to far-away lands. I dream of growing old with my Darlin and seeing my kids grow and live out their dreams. I dream of seeing captives set free and joy being restored to the downcast. I dream of making a difference in other peoples lives. My list goes on and on.

I'm grateful for Hope.  Hope in a Savior that has died and risen. Hope that He will come again. Hope that He is everything. My everything. Hope that He is and will make all things new. He wants me to dream. He wants me to take risk. He wants me to believe that in Him all things are possible and that He has and will do more than I could possibly think or imagine. He wants me to trust Him in my failures and continue moving forward in His grace.

He is awakening my heart. I'm starting to dream again.

Rise up my love, my fair one, and come away . . . the time of singing . . . of dreaming has come.

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17 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

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16 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Butterflies.

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15 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Afternoon sun resting on Todd's space.

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14 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

9th & Cherry

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13 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

6th grade science projects. Balloon Cars.

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12 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

A shared morning time with my Darlin. Tea, coffee, books, journal . . . grateful.

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11 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Ice.

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10 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

My thinking spot.

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9 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Happy Gotcha Day! Celebrating with all of Lia's favorites: noodles, dumplings and hot and sour soup.

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8 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Saint Louis Art Museum

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7 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Todd had training in St. Louis. I was able to come with him for one evening. Grateful.

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6 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Homework buddies.

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5 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

Our boy is number 12.

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4 | 313, a photo by kimmer67 on Flickr.

kimmer67's photostream

kimmer67's photostream on Flickr.

Christmas, New Year and projects