Happy Birthday to Jesus . . . and me

Twenty-two years ago I worked as a Recreation Therapist at a retirement/nursing facility. The majority of my time was spent creating activities to do with Alzheimer's patients but I also spent time playing bingo, visiting, and doing chair exercises with residents in the regular nursing facility. It was a rewarding, exhausting and amazing experience.

A few days I go, Christmas Eve, I celebrated my 44th birthday. I love birthdays. My birthday falls of course during a very busy time of year. Over the years there have been times when the day has blended in with all the other holiday cheer and I have kinda wished for a June birthday.  But when my heart starts to go down the road of, "woe is me" I remember a very beautiful conversation with an even more beautiful woman at the nursing facility that I worked at.

For the past few days I have not been able to remember her name. It's driving me crazy. I see her face, her eyes, her frail body laying in her hospital bed. I can see her smile and can hear her voice on one particular visit.

It was Christmas Eve. My birthday. I only had to work half  day and mostly I was just visiting the residents. I was particularly happy to see Mrs. _______ (it's seriously driving me crazy). I walked into her room and she greeted me as she always did, with a big warm smile and a Happy Birthday! She then talked about how special I must feel to celebrate my birthday at such a beautiful time of the year. She spoke of the hope that Christmas represents, the joy and festive cheer that everyone has. She talked about lights and songs, ornaments and gifts. She just oozed thankfulness and wonder. She was completely bedridden. Her body crippled by disease and frail. Simple movement could cause her to crumble, her bones frail and brittle. But she embodied the entire meaning of Christmas. Hope. Joy. Peace. Thankfulness.

As she spoke about the "most wonderful time of the year" I realized how absolutely right she was. Even if my day blended in, it truly was about so much more than just me. Funny, I know. It's not all about me. I'm not saying that it's wrong to feel celebrated and loved because I am all about that! I'm simply saying, it's good to be reminded, to gain perspective and to always give thanks.

At church a couple of weeks ago Phil spoke, the title of the sermon was, "The Scandalous God. The Scandalous Gospel." If you have time listen (you might also want to listen to Behold :-)). http://www.christianfellowship.com/resources/sermons/

God came. In the flesh. Just like yours and mine. He hung out with people like just like you and me. He loved them. Healed them. Gave hope. Life. Purpose. He then gave His life for those who rejected Him--you, me, the whole world. The whole story is scandalous. And beautiful.

Because God loves us with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love-- Heaven is breaking through! He is sending us a Light from Heaven 
To shine on us like the sun To shine on those who live in darkness 

and in the shadow of death to guide our feet into the way of peace. 

(Jesus Story Book Bible)

a side-note: My birthday this year was lovely. We had a quiet morning at home. Lia and Zach woke me up with hugs and song. We opened stockings. Friends called/texted. We read the Story--His Story. We thanked Him for coming. I thanked Him for giving me New Life. We headed downtown to a new favorite spot--Uprise Cafe. I had marinara and goat cheese and drank a glass of wine! It was Noon and absolutely delightful. We then headed to St. Louis to see my family. 

It was a Happy Birthday!

Where have you been?

Last week I was thinking about two things that I have done either little or not at all in the past few months. 

1. Blogging

2. Taking Pictures

For the past 4 years I have been somewhat of a faithful blogger. It's been my space to think, share, and remember. I especially enjoyed the process when we lived in Korea. I have also enjoyed taking pictures of day to day life experiences, simple beauty around me, the obvious and the not so obvious pieces of life. With my small point and shoot camera I endeavored to improve my skill (inspired by amazing photography friends) and after friends bought a new camera, I purchased their old Canon Rebel and had even more fun.

When we returned from Korea I hit a wall. In an effort to leap over the wall, I changed the name and layout of the blog, shared some thoughts about the process of being on a pilgrimage and my desire to share more of our journey in this new season of our life.

My efforts to leap the wall failed. I have taken few pictures and have not made an entry since August. I have carried my camera with me, I've opened our blog page and nothing has happened. I sit and stare in silence feeling stuck and somewhat alone.

Last week I decided that enough was enough. I'm a pilgrim. I'm on a journey. The road is difficult, beautiful, and there are challenges ahead but I have much to be thankful for and much to celebrate. Weaved throughout each day are moments of grace, beauty, frustration and longing. I want to capture those again. I haven't abandoned all my writing--I do journal but that is a different process for me.

As I made that commitment to get off my "bum" as my friend, Kelly says, I received an e-mail from a friend asking "where is your blog?" Ha! I had to laugh because Kelly also asked why I hadn't blogged for so long. I admitted my funk and that I was going to make a return this week. 

Thanks for the push friends!

A little PS.

Kelly came to see us last week. We last saw Kelly in Korea 7 months ago. We call her our special treasure from Korea. Zach and Lia adore her--she is big sister and friend. Todd and I love her. We played games, ate good food, drank good wine, there were wrestling matches, more games, tears and dreams shared. It was good for all of us to have her here.  Another treasure, Katie, who was once in Korea and is now in KC also came for a night. We're all sad that Kel left today. Our only comfort is that she plans to return in January with another one of our Korean treasures, Anna.

Korea brought so many beautiful memories and gifts to our family. Though there were certainly challenges, we will always be grateful that we lived and shared life with a community of amazing men and woman. Moving forward and letting go is such a paradox.

Grateful.

Thankful for Kerri Urban

After two weeks of trying to fix a layout issue with our blog, my friend Kerri came to the rescue. In a matter of minutes, literally, she had corrected the layout issue and I had our blog back. Grateful! Wordpress just wasn't going to work. So here is the post from the new blog but in an old and familiar place. Thank you, Kerri!


On a previous blog post I wrote about my thoughts being on a pilgrimage (you can read that here:http://familyofpilgrims.blogspot.com/2011/06/pilgrimage-part-two.html). 

I've decided to re-name our blog Family of Pilgrims--other more creative titles were of course already taken. Our family is on a journey. A journey where we are always learning what it means to know and follow Jesus. The past four years have been amazing. As I reflect on what these past four years have meant to us, I see God’s leading through it all. I’m grateful for every part.

We are now in a new part of our journey. It’s scary some days. Some days I want to return to what once was but then I remember how beautiful God unfolds our lives when we simply surrender and follow Him. That’s what we are trying to do. Follow Him. He has been writing an epic story since the beginning of time and He has chosen to invite us into that story.  We want to live a great story. Not just to say we have but to be part of something greater than ourselves.
I have no idea what this part of our story is going to look like. It’s an adventure. Hopefully, we can share some of it with you here.

Rewind

The days have passed quickly over the past two months. I have formed multiple blog entries in my mind that have obviously not made it here. Our last month in Korea was packed. Jammed packed. We desired to make every day count with friends and adventures in that beautiful land before we returned to America. Our final month was emotional. I cried every day. My tears weren't all because I was sad about leaving Korea or anxious about the future. Most of my tears came from a place of gratefulness. Grateful for the amazing gift it was to spend two years living on that small peninsula.

The previous post about the DMZ was meant to be more than a photo. My plan was to explain this strange division that separates the two Koreas. That obviously never happened. I promise to go back and fill in all the details of that day. I'm so glad we didn't leave Korea without visiting the DMZ.

There are so many great moments to highlight in May. I will try to highlight a few of those from our last month but save separate post for things like our 20 year wedding anniversary on Jeju Island.

Rewind. Highlights from the month of May.

On Mother's Day we hiked up the mountain near our apartment in Dongbaek with friends. It was awesome!

My friends, MiKyung and Hyejin took me on a wonderful hike in an area just outside of Seoul. We stumbled across a temple near the forested area we hiked through--it was all decked out for Buddha's birthday.

One of the most beautiful parts of that day was a couple that we had seen while hiking. It wasn't until they passed us that I noticed that the woman was actually blind. Her husband walked in front of her giving her verbal instructions about the what the area ahead of her was like. When we both stopped for water, at the top of the hill, the gentleman who spoke very good English, began chatting with me. One of his first questions was about my age, to which his wife, slapped him in the arm. It was funny and I unashamedly told him that I am 43. They hike the trail every day but Sunday because that's a day of worship and rest. The trust between them and the courage of the woman is incredible.

My friendship with Hyejin and Mikung is priceless. I will be forever grateful for their love, friendship and generosity to me and our family.

Our friend, Kelly had a birthday! We celebrated with an 80's Murder Mystery party!

The ladies from the Dongbaek English Club made every Friday wonderful. We shared meals, practiced our English and laughed a lot!

Jinny had a birthday too . . . another fabulous woman to celebrate!

We spent many afternoons at Benesian with our favorite Barista!

Sunday Night Community! We gathered Sunday evenings to share a meal together, worship and pray. These were precious times for our family. Our last few gatherings were incredibly special. We are grateful for the amazing family we shared life with in Korea.

DMZ

DMZ
Originally uploaded by kimmer67

A day at the DMZ. Demilitarized Zone. 38th Parallel. Division of North & South Korea.

Pilgrimage. Part Two

On the road to beautiful, my seasons always change
but my heart is spent on loving you, to know you in your power and pain . . .

But my heart is set on a pilgrimage to heaven's own bright King
So in faltering or victory I will always sing . . .

These are a few lines taken from a song written by Charlie Hall, On the Road to Beautiful. Some days I play this song over and over in one sitting. If you haven't heard it, you can find it on YouTube. Enjoy.

The past four years have been a whole lotta stuff. A whole lotta frustration, fear, and uncertainty. These four years have also been a whole lotta beauty, surprise, and peaceful certainty. In these past four years we have experienced the beauty of God's grace and His faithfulness. We have been loved and cared for by community and have experienced the joy of giving our hearts to new and old friends. We stepped out in faith to come to a land we knew very little about and found God once again to be faithful and true to care for and provide for us as followed Him.

The story of Abraham always amazes me. It doesn't say much accept that God told him to go and he departed as God had commanded him to. Abraham must have been concerned when he packed up his family to journey to the land he didn't know anything about. There weren't a lot of details. There was a simple command and Abraham's response.

In 6 days we will return to America. It's familiar land but most of what lies before us seems uncertain. It's another part of our pilgrimage. Before us is uncertainty but also a peaceful certainty that Him who called us is FAITHFUL.

There are days I feel totally freaked out about our needs and if we are really doing what's best for our family. In these moments, I'm reminded that it's ALL part of knowing Him. It's ALL part of learning to trust Him. He says, "Follow me!" and I say, "Yes!" Yes, in the uncertainty, yes, in the unknown.

As this season of our lives changes, my heart is set upon my King. I desire this to be my only response--loving, trusting and abiding in Him.

Blessed is the man whose strength is in you, Whose heart is set on a pilgrimage. Psalm 84

Pilgrimage. Part One.

Psalm 84, The Message
A Korah Psalm
1-2 What a beautiful home, God-of-the-Angel-Armies! I've always longed to live in a place like this,
Always dreamed of a room in your house,
where I could sing for joy to God-alive!
3-4 Birds find nooks and crannies in your house,
sparrows and swallows make nests there.
They lay their eggs and raise their young,
singing their songs in the place where we worship.
God-of-the-Angel-Armies! King! God!
How blessed they are to live and sing there!
5-7 And how blessed all those in whom you live,
whose lives become roads you travel;
They wind through lonesome valleys, come upon brooks,
discover cool springs and pools brimming with rain!
God-traveled, these roads curve up the mountain, and
at the last turn—Zion! God in full view!
8-9 God-of-the-Angel-Armies, listen:
O God of Jacob, open your ears—I'm praying!
Look at our shields, glistening in the sun,
our faces, shining with your gracious anointing.
10-12 One day spent in your house, this beautiful place of worship,
beats thousands spent on Greek island beaches.
I'd rather scrub floors in the house of my God
than be honored as a guest in the palace of sin.
All sunshine and sovereign is God,
generous in gifts and glory.
He doesn't scrimp with his traveling companions.
It's smooth sailing all the way with God-of-the-Angel-Armies.

a little reminder for my soul today

I read this quote on my friend, Amy G's blog and thought it was worth re-posting on our blog.

Your imagination makes things harder on you than God ever could. You want to know the future and you also exaggerate your suffering. Sometimes you become overwhelmed by events that have not yet happened. All moments are in God's hands. Walk humbly with God. —Fenelon

Don't Smile

It's been weeks since my last blog entry. I have formed several possible entries in my head but they have yet to make it to the world wide web. Part of the problem is my computer at the library won't allow me to look at blogs--there is a block on all viewing blogs. It would be the perfect time for me to blog. I sit for almost 6 hours sometimes without any interruption. When I come home I don't think about blogging--homework, cooking, cleaning and laundry seem to fill up our evenings so blogging is the last thing on my mind.

May is finally here which means Spring has finally come. Korea is beautiful in the Spring. The mountain ranges roll with shades of green. Everything is new. Fresh. Alive. I'm thankful that God arranged Spring after winter. Winter is beautiful in it's own way but after long, cold, and dark days, the sun, warmth and blue skies are welcomed to this happy heart.

O-kay, that's not at all what I wanted to blog about. I got a little side-tracked.

During the summer of 2009 we were preparing to come to Korea. Part of our preparations were reading books on the Korean culture. I found several used books and began reading what I could on the history and culture of Korea. I also started to 'randomly' meet Koreans. I was working at Starbucks at the time and to be honest I don't believe until this one certain day I had ever served anyone Asian. That may sound strange to you that I was aware of this but if you know me, it's not strange at all. I was about to finish my shift when a group of college aged girls came in. I thought they looked Korean (Asians don't all look the same). I asked them where they were from and sure enough, they were from South Korea!

After I got off my shift, I went to sit with them and chatted about our future move to their homeland in a few short weeks. We exchanged e-mail addresses and phone numbers and the following week they came over. We chatted about their experiences in America, the good, the bad and the ugly. The challenges of cultural differences and the things that they had come to enjoy while living in the Mid-West.

One of the huge challenges was space. In Seoul, there really is no personal space or wide open spaces. They moved from one of the most populated cities in the world to Lawrence Kansas. It's a shock for sure. They had come to love the space, the quiet and not being shoved onto buses and subways.

After they shared about their experiences we asked them about what things we should be aware of culturally. Greetings, bowing, food, etc. I had read about a few things but getting first hand information would be a lot more valuable and perhaps save us embarrassment.

Don't Smile. Yep, don't smile at people. Don't look them in the eye and smile. They will become suspicious and wonder what your motive is. Wow! I thought, "O-kay, I will try but that will be super hard for me."

I have not heeded to this piece of advice. I can't help myself. I smile at people. I make eye contact. In the past two years I don't think anyone has questioned my motives for smiling at them. I have had the most beautiful exchanges with people by a simple smile. I wish I could replay each of these exchanges because they are some of my most beautiful memories here in Korea.

I like to engage people, meet people and have, even if brief, some small interaction with them. The barrier of language has kept me in many cases from experiencing this but when I smile at someone and bow, something has broken through. Warmth, compassion, acknowledgement.

I don't know really have words to describe these moments for me but when I close my eyes, I see faces of beautiful Korean woman who I've only exchanged a smile with.

Zach turns 12 . . . and then 13

friends who make a birthday in Korea
Originally uploaded by kimmer67

Thankfully, we have a whole year before he turns 13. I don't think I'm ready for that yet.

March 11, 1999, Zachary Todd Stewart entered the world. He made only a few wimpers and mostly seemed tired by the entire ordeal that he had just gone through. He was perfect.

That day seems like yesterday. I remember every detail of that day and how amazing it felt to finally, after years of longing, to hold him in my arms. Now he's almost as tall as me. He still lets me hold him but it's a little harder for me to pick him up. The couple of weeks before his birthday we kept asking him what he wanted to do. He couldn't think of what he wanted to do--a ticket to America? Tranporter that would bring his best buds, Sam and Holden here to Korea?

He finally decided that he wanted to go to On the Border in Seoul to enjoy all you can eat chips and salsa and have as many margarita's that he could consume with all of our friends here.

Now, most of Zach's friends here in Korea are over 24 years of age. It's like he's been given a whole bunch of older brothers and sisters. These amazing friends have not only been a gift to Todd and I but they are a huge gifts to our kids. That sentence doesn't even express how grateful we are for these beautiful people.

Zach's day went a little like this:
1. Class party and cake #1. His class sang Happy Birthday in English and Korean and then his teacher sang to him in Inuit (he spent some time in Alaska).
2. Party and cake #2. The Veach's couldn't join us at On the Border so right after school they had a cake for Zach and sang Happy Birthday--again in English and Korean. Awesome.
3. Party and cake #3. We made the hour long trek to Seoul and fought the massive crowds in Gangnam and made it to On the Border. All of the people in the pic were there. Anna made a cake and Ashley made him the coolest birthday hat--ever! The entire room sang Happy Birthday and Zach consumed 2 or 3 margarita's! To say that Zach was excited is an understatement. The entire evening and on the trek home he said, "This is one of my favorite birthdays. I will always remeber it. And last year."

As all Moms can say, I think he's the most wonderful 12 year old boy in the world!

These are just a few of the things that I love about Zach. . . he's witty and has a great sense of humor, he's tender and compassionate, he's thoughtful, and courageous, he's smart and creative.

I'm sure glad he was born! :-)

Funny Sign

Originally uploaded by kimmer67

It's funny and a bit crude. Mostly it's just funny.

Language

After a 4-hour bus ride:

Me: I'm getting hungry.
Clare: Me too.

An hour later while waiting for Anna . . .

Me: I'm starving (I was feeling light headed and shaky).
Clare: Starving?
Me: Yep, starving. It means that I'm more than hungry--really hungry.
Clare: So, you are starving? You are really hungry?
Me: Yes! I'm not famished but I am starving!
Clare: Famished?
Me: Famished is more than starving--intense hunger.

Another hour passes. Anna arrives:
Clare: Anna, are you famished?
Anna: Clare, did you learn a new word today?

Burst of laughter.

Learning and sharing language is beautiful. Clare taught us a few more Korean words and we got to share a few new expressions in English.

Shabu Shabu

Yep, it's another food post. In the past couple of weeks, I've been craving Shabu Shabu. I've satisfied those cravings two times now and just might have to do it again this week.



This delicious dish is not a traditional Korean dish. Shabu Shabu is a Japanese dish with it's origins traced back to the traditional Chinese Hot Pot. Shabu Shabu is traditionally prepared with thinly sliced beef but chicken, pork and even duck are available at restaurants. It is usually served with tofu and vegetables, including Chinese cabbage, chrysanthemum leaves, nori (edible seaweed), onions, carrots, shiitake mushrooms and enokitake mushrooms. In some places, udon, mochi or harusame noodles may also be served (thank you wiki).

The dish is prepared by submerging the slices of meat and vegetables in a pot of boiling water and swishing it back and forth several times. The familiar swishing sound is where the dish gets its name. Shabu-shabu translates to "swish-swish". Once the meat and vegetables have been eaten, leftover broth from the pot is combined with the remaining rice, and made into a fried rice.

Todd and I have tried beef and duck. The beef dish was incredibly spicy (we chose the spicy broth). I typically don't enjoy dishes that are too spicy but it was wonderful. Last week we visited a Shabu Shabu restaurant near our apartment and enjoyed the duck. All I can say is, it was delicious!

If you're interested, do a Google search for Shabu Shabu. There are videos and recipes on how to make your own. You won't be disappointed!

Oo-Dong

luncheeeeee
Originally uploaded by kimmer67

Korean Food! It's good for you! If you ask any Korean about a specific Korean dish, they will tell you what good nutritional value it has for you. I believe them . . .mostly.

This dish is called Oo-Dong--우동. It's one of my favorites. It's loaded with noodles, crab, tofu, greens and topped with loads of kim--킴 (seaweed).

My friend, Hyejin prepared this meal. It was absolutely delicious. Hyejin piled extra 킴 on my bowl of 우동 because it is known to have benefits for hypothyroid disease. I ate the entire bowl happily!

My hope is to post the various dishes we enjoy here in Korea. There is so much more than kimchi in Korean cuisine!

A new favorite

The band Gungor is a new favorite of mine. Today while spending a lot of time on the 810, I enjoyed this song--over and over. It's absolutely beautiful. It's my story. I've drawn in His breath and I've never been the same.

Late have I loved You
Beauty so ancient
So new
Late have I loved You
You were within me, but I was outside You
It was there that I searched for You
It was there that I searched for You
Late have I loved You
Beauty so ancient, so new
Late have I loved You
You were here with me
But I was not with You
It was there that You found me
It was there that You found me
You called and You shouted
You broke through my deafness
You flashed and you shone
Dispelled all my blindness
You breathed Your fragrance on me
You breathed Your fragrance on me
Late have I loved You
Late have I loved You
I drew in Your breath
And I keep on breathing
I’ve tasted I’ve seen
And now I want more
You breathed Your fragrance on me
You breathed Your fragrance on me
Late have I loved You
Late have I loved You

Written by Michael Gungor © 2010

January 10, 2005

It's amazing to think that six years ago today were waking up in China and only hours away from meeting our Lia-Joy. Every year we rehearse this day, just like the day we gave birth to Zach, we remember every detail and are amazed at the grace and beauty of God.

Some call this day, "Adoption Day", others call it "Gotcha Day". We call it "Family Day". The day our family became the way it was intended to be. After years of longing and waiting, God had two beautiful surprises for us--Zachary, whose name means "Jehovah has Remembered" and Lia-Joy, whose name means, "Bringer of Good News"--God remembered us and brought us great Joy!

I love my family.

conversations to remember

While sipping tasty Jones Cider and watching Anna knit some amazing gloves. A conversation began that went something like this:

Lia: "Mom, why don't you knit?"
Me: "I just don't. It stresses me out. I tried it once and it was stressful."
Anna: "Really? Blogging stresses me out."

Burst of laughter.

Me: "Blogging stresses you out?"
Anna: "Yes. It does. All social networking things stress me out."
Me: "I need to blog this conversation."